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I've Put Down the Bottle-Now What?
- karenmrubinstein
- Mar 29
- 5 min read
Updated: Mar 30
“But What Do You Do for Fun?”
Why Life Without Alcohol Isn’t Boring—It’s Just Different
I was having lunch with a friend the other day, catching up on our busy week. I reached into my bag and pulled out something I’d just had printed—a decorative mini-poster of the core method I now use in my transformational recovery practice. It’s a framework I developed and turned into an anagram—something both meaningful and visual to share with others on this journey:
She held it up and read it carefully, tracing the bold words with her eyes:
T – Truth & Transparency
R – Reconnect with Your Higher Power
A – Awareness & Acceptance
N – Nurture New Beliefs
S – Structure & Support
F – Feel to Heal
O – Own Your Story
R – Rewire & Rebuild
M – Move Forward in Faith
She set the page down and looked up at me, eyes narrowed in thought.“Karen, you left something out” she said, “You don’t say what to do when you stop drinking.”
Before I could respond, she leaned in and added, earnestly:“I mean… what do you do for fun?”
I could see the real question behind her words.It wasn’t just about fun. It was about fear.Who am I without alcohol? What will fill the space where the wine used to be?
Alcohol as a “Friend”
This friend is currently questioning her drinking. She stopped for a while and now wonders if she can return to “social” drinking—to use it to unwind, to have fun, to relax. She’s still early enough in that she wants to step off the slope before it gets worse, but alcohol still feels like a friend—one she’s thinking about breaking up with, because she’s starting to see the lies behind the charm.
Another friend of mine, someone I walk with regularly, is further down the slippery slope and drinks daily. For her, alcohol has become a crutch—ironically, because it’s the very thing that broke her in the first place. The thing she leaned on is what left her unable to stand on her own.
But I get it—sometimes it feels safer to keep dancing with the devil you know than to risk learning a new way to move.
Both women are standing in that foggy place where alcohol still feels like a friend—the companion at dinner, the ice-breaker at parties, the “treat” after a long day. And I get it. I lived there too.
For so long, alcohol wasn’t just in my life—it was my life.
My best friend.
My reward.
My crutch.
My identity.
And I was terrified that if I let it go, I wouldn’t know who I was anymore.
The Progression We Don’t Always See
The truth is, alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful.It doesn’t steal your life all at once—it does it slowly, quietly, with a smile.
In The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, there's a chapter (“To Wives”) that outlines the progression of alcoholism. Most people don’t go from their first drink to rock bottom overnight.
It often looks like this:
Heavy User: You build tolerance. You start craving a drink to take the edge off.
Struggling for Control: You try to moderate, make rules, switch types of alcohol… but you keep going back.
Lost Control: You isolate. You get sick. You drink even when you said you wouldn’t.
Crisis: You’re in deep. Mental, physical, emotional collapse.
That’s the part alcohol doesn’t tell you.It lies to you: “You’re not that bad.” “It’s just fun.” “You need this.”
But it always takes more than it gives.
The Real Question
So when someone asks, “What do you do for fun?” What they’re really asking is: Will I still have a life if I let go of drinking?
Here’s the answer:Yes. But not the life you had. A better one. A real one.
I get up early now to walk my dog and actually notice the sky.I read books and remember what I read.I laugh with friends and feel every second of it.I cry and I don’t numb it—I heal it.
My life isn’t just about fun anymore. It’s about freedom.And trust me, freedom is fun.
We Have to Tell the Truth
In his book Lies Alcohol Told Me, therapist and former drinker Jason Dunbar talks about the stories we buy into—like “You’re the life of the party,” or “You can’t stop.” He drank moderately for 20 years before realizing it wasn’t fun anymore—it was fear, disguised.
That’s what I want my friends to know.
That fear you feel? It’s not weakness. It’s not failure. It’s the part of you that’s trying to protect what feels familiar—even if it’s hurting you.
It’s the voice that whispers, “But who will I be without this?” or “What if I’m boring? What if I can’t do life without it?”
And that voice is loud because alcohol has been posing as a friend for a long time. It’s wrapped itself around your identity, your routines, your sense of belonging.
But here’s the truth: Fear is just the last defense alcohol uses to stay in control. Because once you truly see it for what it is—not fun, not freedom, not who you are—it loses its grip.
Once you tell the truth…Everything changes.
You’re not losing your life.
You’re starting one.
Personal Note
When my friend asked me, “But what do you do for fun now?” I’ll be honest—I didn’t know what to say.
Not because I didn’t have an answer… but because I care.I didn’t want to throw out a one-liner or make light of the question. I know what she’s really asking. I’ve asked it too.
So here’s what I’ll say next time-
“I get that question a lot—and I asked it myself when I first stopped drinking.
At first, I didn’t know how to have fun without alcohol either. It had been my go-to for relaxing, unwinding, socializing… even just passing the time. But once I got some distance, I realized alcohol was a shortcut to fake fun. It numbed me out but never filled me up.
Real fun started when I stopped chasing the next glass and started reconnecting with what I actually enjoyed—music, movement, nature, creativity, connection. It didn’t happen overnight, but now my joy feels genuine—not borrowed from a bottle.
The longer I walk this path, the more I realize - this is where the real fun begins."
And maybe I’ll add, “Oh, hon, alcohol isn’t your real friend… but I am.”
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